can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
