that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
