Jerry, you need to find god
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
