you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
