Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
