your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
