In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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