At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
