I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
