im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
