I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize