I wish life had little blips of pornography
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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