Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
