By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
