i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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