So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
