he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
