winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
