Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
