Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
