??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
All I want is dick and wine.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
