Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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