I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I just blew my weed a kiss
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
