I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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