I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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