I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
