I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
