it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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