i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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