you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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