I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
