god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
