Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
