i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
