so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize