I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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