i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
