Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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