i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
