Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
