hell yes lets make some ravioli
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
