I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Did I show you my penis last night?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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