I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
