u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
