i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
