you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
