I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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