even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
