I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
