Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize