Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
