The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
This toilet bowl is my home.
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