I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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