somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
