I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
