the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Randomize
