If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
