What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
