There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
