I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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