youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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