What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
