Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
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