She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize