you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
