I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
