return my video game
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
