Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
