I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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